Penance
by Fiercest
Summary: He never knew how much they needed him until it was too late - Isshin


A/N: Another character study that I've been dying to do but could probably have been done better

**A/N: Another character study that I've been dying to do but could probably have been done better.**

**I give you Isshin people.**

Penance

Isshin couldn't sleep. Which was strange because that night; for the first time in a long time all three of his children were sleeping under the same roof. He couldn't have been happier, and yet something was wrong.

He was feeling insanely edgy; he was jumpy, he couldn't seem to breathe evenly and thoughts raced through his head at alarming speeds.

He cracked the door open of Karin's room which for now was being occupied by its former residents Ichigo and Rukia. He had to work to hold down the proud laugh/immature giggle that threatened to tear through his lips as he stared at the pair.

It was a single bed, so in order to make room Rukia was laying practically completely on top of Ichigo while he buried his nose in her hair and gripped her waist. The two were snoring softly at matching rhythms.

If Isshin wasn't so manly he would have cooed at how cute they were.

Next he tip toed down the hall and peered through the crack between the door and the wall. The first one he spotted was Yuzu how was sleeping soundly, curled up in a little ball; his little girl, he beamed at how much she'd grown.

Then his gaze fell on a head of white hair.

That night, Isshin could have honestly said that each and everyone of his children was home with him.

Because Hitsugaya Toshirou, the boy he had mentored and fathered what seemed like so many millennia ago was sitting on his daughters bed conversing with her in harsh whispers.

"I am so sorry Karin." The boy tightened his grip on her hand.

"What the hell is there to be sorry for?"

"You're giving all this up Karin, at least make it a clean break for all of you."

"Look, in a couple days I'll be out of here and no one will know where I've gone. I can't just disappear in the night, at least this way I can spend a few extra days with them and let them fully know how much I love them."

"I'm sorry." She smacked him over the head. "Ow!" he whisper-shouted.

"Don't be an idiot, it's not your fault; it's that bitches. If I want to protect them I'll have to learn to control it."

After a short pause he realized something as he stared at his eldest daughters shining face; this was the first time since her mother died that he had ever seen her cry. And he _wasn't the one to comfort her_. Instead Toshirou has wrapped his arms awkwardly around her and squeezed her tightly.

The guilt pressed down on Isshin, so much so that he didn't even pay attention to what Karin and Toshirou had been talking about. He collapsed onto the couch in a heap, breath knocked out of him and head swirling.

His hindsight became unbearably clear. The knowledge that Karin, _his_ Karin, Kurosaki Masaki Karin was crying was an unprocessable event. It indicated how little he knew her.

He had been so busy focusing on first losing Masaki, making sure Ichigo stopped breaking the law, taking care of Baby Yuzu and wallowing in his own guilt and self pity that he'd left his strong little Karin, his little fighter all on her own.

He though of the site of another man comforting her, even if that man was technically still a boy, even though he trusted said boy entirely, even though he was like a son to him as well, it broke his heart. Because he himself hadn't gotten the chance to be the number one man in her life. He realized that without meaning to, he'd passed the role of father down to his son.

It reminded him of an evening so many years before.

It was the first time his former life in soul society had caught up with him. It had been a rainy day only several months after Masaki had blessed him with twin daughters. Toshirou had shown up on his doorstep just as Masaki was stepping out with little Ichigo to take him to karate class. "Take care of my babies." She had whispered, kissing his cheek as she eyed Toshirou carefully.

He came inside to talk and he handed the boy the older twin so he could calm Yuzu, even then he had unintentionally played favorites. He had watched his baby girl clasp her tiny fist around his pointer finger and watched the young boy smile with such tenderness that he'd never seen in his eyes and _he knew_, what he knew he wasn't sure then but he had suddenly had the feeling that something had begun.

And now he knew what.

He had been an awful father, he knew that. He had thought that Yuzu was the one who shared his pain thus needed the most attention and comforting, after all, the elder two had never needed anyone. Karin had barely been six or seven years old when her mother died and even then she had been able to take care of herself. And Ichigo had somehow found his own way to grieve.

He had never noticed that the two people he thought would need him least, the two people that became the pillars of his family, the two people that raised themselves, each other, their baby sister…and himself…he had never, not once thought that they would ever need them.

Because they were strong.

And he had been wrong.

A child will always need their father, no matter their incompetence, no matter their immaturity, now, as he realized he was on the verge of losing them both did he understand that.

And it was too late.

**A/N: yeah….i'm ashamed….**

**Review anyways please. I'm starved.**

**-Sierra**


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